Thoughts, Nothing Grand But Here They Are

Hate this medication with everything in me. It keeps me from hitting extreme lows but I can’t feel much of anything. This leads to desire to self harm as well as other ridiculous behavior. The house is a mess. There is work to be done, lessons to be prepared. I don’t care if any of it gets accomplished or not. Basically, I just want to lay in my bed and do absolutely nothing.

On the plus side, I did go see my neighbor. Actually we talked for a couple of hours. They have been really busy lately so we haven’t seen much of each other. They have some decisions to make. Wouldn’t life be grand if it offered as many solutions as it does questions.

I know tomorrow will be different. No two days are exactly alike. Things will get better. As bad as it seems, I dread Sundays. We have church. I love church in America, but church here is taxing to say the least. I just don’t care to try anymore and sadly, almost don’t care who that bothers along the way. I can’t give up no matter how numb I am. Gotta keep moving. One step at a time. I can do this. We can all do this.


10 thoughts on “Thoughts, Nothing Grand But Here They Are

  1. You have incredible, admirable strength when you write that your feelings are numbed, and you enjoyed visiting with your neighbor, and that tomorrow will be different. Not all bad. Not all good.

    I hope you continue to see how you are thriving! πŸ™‚


    • Thank you for that perspective. Your positive thinking and thoughts are refreshing and helpful. You have actually made me stop and consider that maybe the inside of my brain isn’t as bad as it seems sometimes. Thank you. πŸ™‚


  2. Keep walking. I had a problem with antidepressants, I finally found a pill pusher that actually listened to me, and has been working with me for months now. He has finally found the right cocktail. I would call it even. I do have side effects, but I am learning to deal with them the best I can.


  3. I hope that you can find your mix, too. I really would like to believe that you can find a combination that works better for you.

    In the meantime, you’re still thinking good thoughts. One step at a time. One day, or minute, at a time. One foot in front of the other. And lots of deep breathing. πŸ™‚


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