What Is Wrong With Me?


Patience is not my greatest strength. That beings said, it takes a lot for me to outwardly show a break in patience. Impatience will be vented in other ways or just held inside and dealt with later. The neighbor’s son is learning to read English and often comes over to practice. The child is almost eight years old. He is a typical boy with all of the sweetness and craftiness associated with the title. I love him to pieces, but he can push my buttons like no one else. That makes me sound so petty. I think he has this ability because I know that he cannot be reasoned with. He is a child. He only understands what he understands. Teaching him anything is a slow, albeit worthy task. He also tends to ask the same questions, repeatedly. There seems to be no satisfactory answer for him.

We usually manage to have fun being silly, playing with our puppies, or watching a cartoon. He really is a good boy! Today was difficult though. He came over earlier for about an hour and sat around talking and asking numerous questions while I tried to give him attention and work at the same time. I tried to sway him to bring over his reading book. He declined. Then he showed up a couple of hours later, when it was not convenient, to try his hand at the reading. The first ten seconds he was here, he managed to ask at least five questions. I took a deep breath and we began reading. As a typical child will do, he struggled to focus, wouldn’t sit up, and wanted to play around.

Somehow my brain couldn’t handle it today. At one point, I literally had to leave the room for a moment or two. My hands were visibly shaking. In my head, I was going off. But why? I never feel this way. It makes me so sad. When will I pull everything back together and behave normally again? Maybe it is just part of mood swings associated with depression? Either way, looking forward to a healthier future.

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8 thoughts on “What Is Wrong With Me?

  1. I seem to have a similar problem only in different situations. I was thinking of asking my therapist why I can be so impatient and irritable at times when I don’t want to be. I don’t know why I do that.

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    • It can be so frustrating! At least I know other people experience it as well. If you get any good answers that you feel inclined to share, please feel free! Thanks for your comment as well. πŸ™‚

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  2. I work in a bar. I can sort of understand my impatience and anger whilst dealing with drunks but my second job I have no reason to be the angry unpleasant person that I am. The rest of the time I am alone. I suppose am getting better. Once you recognise the problem you can adapt and pick yourself up. Good luck and I enjoyed reading your post.

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  3. Children can really push you to your limit at times. Our niece does it with me all the time. But you love him, you said so yourself in this post. He knows that, otherwise he wouldnt keep coming over or asking you questions. Kids know when they are wanted. You did the right thing in leaving the room for a few minutes if you thought you would go off. XXX

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    • He is a blessed little boy. Wish I could understand children better. Today he told me he hopes I have a bad class with my students. Why? What would he accomplish by saying that? He didn’t wait around for a reaction. He has no clue if the class went well or not. Children are interesting creatures. πŸ™‚

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