Patience is not my greatest strength. That beings said, it takes a lot for me to outwardly show a break in patience. Impatience will be vented in other ways or just held inside and dealt with later. The neighbor’s son is learning to read English and often comes over to practice. The child is almost eight years old. He is a typical boy with all of the sweetness and craftiness associated with the title. I love him to pieces, but he can push my buttons like no one else. That makes me sound so petty. I think he has this ability because I know that he cannot be reasoned with. He is a child. He only understands what he understands. Teaching him anything is a slow, albeit worthy task. He also tends to ask the same questions, repeatedly. There seems to be no satisfactory answer for him.
We usually manage to have fun being silly, playing with our puppies, or watching a cartoon. He really is a good boy! Today was difficult though. He came over earlier for about an hour and sat around talking and asking numerous questions while I tried to give him attention and work at the same time. I tried to sway him to bring over his reading book. He declined. Then he showed up a couple of hours later, when it was not convenient, to try his hand at the reading. The first ten seconds he was here, he managed to ask at least five questions. I took a deep breath and we began reading. As a typical child will do, he struggled to focus, wouldn’t sit up, and wanted to play around.
Somehow my brain couldn’t handle it today. At one point, I literally had to leave the room for a moment or two. My hands were visibly shaking. In my head, I was going off. But why? I never feel this way. It makes me so sad. When will I pull everything back together and behave normally again? Maybe it is just part of mood swings associated with depression? Either way, looking forward to a healthier future.