Much has changed in a few short months. A few months ago, I lived and taught in Moldova. Never would have considered moving back home, but I did. The desire to terminate my own life grew to an extreme level. Feelings and thoughts refuse to be stifled. In some ways, I have given into who I am. In some ways I still run.
I have become unemployed, turned another year older, gained a brother in law, cut my hair, gained thirty five pounds, informed my family of who I am, and it feels like I have lost everything. It sounds so dramatic but it is exactly how I feel. Others don’t recognize this person, and neither do I. And I can’t tell if these are positive steps or just the normal, difficult steps towards anything worth being and doing.
Next week I have an appointment with a therapist. I saw a new doctor upon returning home. He gave a new medication and said I could begin therapy in January. That is quite a long time to wait further. So I will be seeing a different counselor next week. I don’t even know what to tell her. I just hope she is willing to go slowly and work with me.
In the process of transitioning my life it seems that many people have been hurt and disappointed. I still have hope that this is temporary. Things can get better. I hold on to the idea that they will. Thanks for reading. Cheers!