Too Much Information – You’ve Been Warned


This blog post contains some sexual content.

My dear boyfriend and I have been together about a month. He is wonderful, fantastic, beautiful, hilarious, mine, and I love him. We are both still virgins. We fool around several times a week. Earlier this week, we were going hot and heavy. We were heading for sex. It was awesome. Neither of us have any experience whatsoever. It was challenging. He didn’t stay hard.

This whole ordeal was difficult for me. I am about 313 pounds right now. I have recently lost forty pounds and am continuing to work out and eat well. He says he is attracted to me. He promises he is. But he couldn’t stay stimulated? This was the very first time he, or any man, had ever seen me naked. It was scary. It was difficult. I don’t think I do it for him. ( We had been at it a while when he “lost interest”. But still!)

So on top of that, he doesn’t touch me. I love to have my hands on him. If he had the choice, I think we would never touch. Even last night, when he was hugging me, he leaned out of the hug like he was afraid to touch my fat belly.

I am a very sexual person. I am ready all the time. He doesn’t even seem to think about sex or sexual things unless he is already “started”. Sometimes I come on to him and he doesn’t even care. I want this man! He doesn’t even care that I exist sexually.

When he and I started dating, I finally felt attractive again. I feel less attractive now than I ever have. Unattractive and frustrated! What does a girl have to do around here to get some?

We have only been dating for a little while. I feel like we could be happy together. I would like to marry  him, and he is thinking along the same lines. Would we be doing ourselves an injustice? Could he be embarrassed that he couldn’t stay ready? Could he feel inadequate in some way? I think he has an amazing body and personal areas and I tell him all the time. The whole situation just makes me feel like a terrible girlfriend, woman, and lover. Depression is knocking at my door. Right now I want to hide under the covers and just never come out.

If you have chosen to read this, and notice that there are many spelling or grammar errors, I am sorry. I really just wanted to vent. Please don’t judge. Cheers! 🙂

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