We broke up. I want kids, a husband, and a happy family. He wants a comfortable dating relationship, and someone to be there when he has “needs”. Breaking up with him was hard. He acted as if he didn’t really believe what I was telling him. He wanted to wait several years to be married and couldn’t understand why I wasn’t willing to wait. We could have had a great life together, or at least, I think we could have.
This heartbreak is minor compared to many I’ve faced. It still hurts though. I admit that I mentioned marriage and commitment far to soon. But I also wasn’t the first to speak of them. I wish I had never said a word though. I suppose being honest is better than being hurt. I certainly wish no pain or malice towards him. He is a very special and beautiful human being. I wish I had never given him my affections though.
If there is one thing I love, it is having someone to depend on and someone to love. I loved loving him. I do love him now. It is a very different kind of love than I have experienced in the past. It is a love that speak highly of comfort and contentment instead of racing hearts and fast moves.
Rejection hurts. No matter how long the duration of a relationship, being told you aren’t acceptable is always painful. It sucks. He made me feel like I could win over my anxiety. I wanted to help him be more confident. I suppose he was more confident than I thought as he took the time this morning to remind me that any pain I am feeling I bought upon myself.
I have no doubt I will love again. I just want a love that will last. I want to spend my life with someone. I want to have kids with someone. I want to spend my life reminding one person everyday, how special they actually are. I want someone I can depend on, and someone who will be strong. I want a beautiful love and look forward to finding it one day.