Be warned my readers : fairly large thought rant ahead. Not the best reading you will do today, but I wrote it so I support it. 🙂
Today I found myself in a bit of a pity party. I know you are surprised, but take deep breaths. Everything will be ok. I recently joined a dating site called Feabie. The site features fat admirers and people for them to admire. Some members want to gain. Some want to feed others, or be fed by others. There is quite an array of people on the site. Almost everyone I have met has been super nice.
I set up a meeting with this guy for tomorrow. We will call him Charlie. Charlie is super nice. He texted me a bit ago and said that is unable to make our meeting. I should probably believe him. I should probably not assume it is my fault, or that is not attracted to me. Guess what I did? I decided it is my fault and that he must not be attracted to me. Truthfully, maybe he isn’t. Maybe he changed his mind. Perhaps he really does have a work conflict. Some part of me just can’t believe that it could possibly be that simple.
The first problem here, is that it shouldn’t bother me. He is a guy whom I have only spoken with on Skype a few times, and texted back and forth for a few days. I should be able to shrug off a rejection like this one. But it still bothers me.
The second problem is that as soon he cancelled, my self esteem went down the drain. Why am I prepared to let someone like Charlie, who I barely know at all, influence my feelings about myself? I shouldn’t. So I started to think about what determines the value of a person, of a me, or of a you.
At first I thought that value could be decided by how much people want an object. I want the cake. The cake has much value to me. He wants the tall blonde. Everyone wants the tall blonde. She has much value. That is a flawed way of thinking. This method of thinking puts everything on appearance. If you give a child the choice between a quarter and a hundred dollar bill, and he chooses the quarter, it doesn’t take away from the value of the bill. The quarter may be shiny. Every four year old might choose a quarter, but the highest value would be found in the paper money. People tend to make judgements based on appearances. That is not entirely a bad thing. But it is not always the best source of truth either. So if Charlie rejected me because of my appearance, it doesn’t change my value. Nor would my value increase if men were knocking down my door to date me.
So that being decided, I started to wonder if the value of something could be decided by how much people were willing to give for it. My thoughts were drawn to the grocery store. There is always a name brand of an item, as well as a store brand. Most of the time the store brand is just as useful as the name brand item. The store brand sugar sweetens just as well as the name brand. People’s worth cannot be determined by the number of people striving for them. Basically, you can be popular but still not be the best person. The best person may be considered “store brand” by society. The price isn’t always the best indication of value.
My little brain hit a plethora of ideas. I finally decided that we determine our value. In the end, it doesn’t matter what my Dad says is wrong with me, how much weight my Grandma says I need to lose. Whether or not Charlie rejects me or even if I am adored by all, my opinion of myself determines everything. I don’t mean the little thoughts we have during the day: “my thighs are too big, my butt is too small, she is prettier than I am.” I decide that I am valuable because I can help another person. I am valuable because through me, someone can see how to love themselves. I have value because there is not another person on this planet just like me. We are valuable because we choose to be. We have value because, as humans, we have the unique ability to change. We can change lives, people, ourselves, others; we are powerful.
I don’t know where you are today, or what value someone else has placed on you, but you are invaluable. Whoever you are, you have a purpose. If there is no else around for you to influence, you can help yourself. This post may not help you at all, but I needed it. My value does not depend on my past or opinions of others. My value just simply is, because I am. We all are. Thanks for reading. Cheers!