Reality Says

Possibly sensitive issues to follow. If you are under 18 or might be triggered by talk of pregnancy, please skip this one if you will. Thank you.

Reality says the timing would suck. Reality says custody battle. Reality screams the words “unfit mother”, quite a bit. My friend reality reminds me that I can’t even get things together on this end, and that adding a baby would only make things more difficult. I know what reality says.

My little heart wanted that pregnancy test to be positive. I know it would probably be terrible for so  many reasons, but I wanted to be a mommy. Just the possibility there could be a little one inside me made everything a little more clear.

The test says there is no baby. I can test again in a couple of days I suppose. The reality is that any baby I would have at this time in my life would already start out struggling. He or she would be severely loved though. But love doesn’t pay the bills or buy the diapers.

I just wanted so badly for the test to say yes.


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